I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
even my farts smell like vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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