wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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