I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
