I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
