I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
