Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize