Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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