I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
