It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
