I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
