i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
