farters have to be the big spoon...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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