So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
