I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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