This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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