come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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