shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
