ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
