I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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