I'm really into asian looking animals
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
