Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
