you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize