i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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