Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
40s are totally the cure
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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