Screwed.edu
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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