So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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