I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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