First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
