I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
