I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
