so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
