haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
