i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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