where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize