I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
