you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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