just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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