Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
