jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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