We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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