I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize