She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
third nipple confirmed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
