I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
