Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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