I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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