ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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