glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
