Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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