party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
