Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
