Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
