Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
