On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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