I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
