is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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