just tell him i said nine months
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Terrible idea I love it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize