she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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