I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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