And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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