I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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