i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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