you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
