We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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