i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize