my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
