i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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