woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
