mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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