Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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