Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
