So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize