You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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